Roger Bennett's Midnight Meditations

A Bennett Update

Home again from another trip. I was in 7 states, including my own, in the month of April, but it was a very fulfilling month, and I look forward to even more opportunities to travel with the NMDP, helping others in need. (Having said that, though, I need a good night's sleep!)

I seem to be going through another round of sleepless nights lately. Some have to do with dreams. I have been dreaming of Roger a lot lately, but they are dreams that leave me sad when I wake up. In most of them, we are together, and it's good, but it usually ends up with my being unable to get to him, or his inability to join in - like at a concert, or a family outing, or a dinner, or whatever. Anyone who has had unsettling dreams about a lost loved one knows what I am talking about. You start your day in a fog, and it takes a good part of the day to get out of that "blue mood." Nevertheless, I always welcome a chance to "see" him again. It's just that it seems to emphasize how much I have lost with his death....and not only me, but all of us who loved him so much.

A Quick Note

I am away for three days this first part of the week, on another volunteer trip. I can't tell you how rewarding these missions are for me. I am so grateful that God placed this opportunity in my life. I feel like I am finding purpose, where for many weeks and months, I felt so lost.

Please keep my travels in your prayers, but especially remember the donor and transplant recipients that I am working for. I know for a fact that my prayer life stays more active when I am on these journeys!

When I return, I plan to give an update on the Bennett family members. We are all doing well and remain

In His Grip,

Debbie

On My Way Again

I promise to write a post soon that updates everyone on how each person in our family is doing, but tonight will be a shorter update. I have another "opportunity to make a difference" tomorrow (Thursday), so I will be saying extra prayers for everyone involved. I will be back home Sunday night.

I had a great evening this past Sunday night. I went to my first Southern Gospel concert since Roger passed away. I had been to hear a song or two here and there, and didn't do too well, so I had really been putting off going to a concert. However, Rodney Griffin had emailed me a while back and told me that Greater Vision would be in town, and I also talked to Gerald Wolfe last week, and he encouraged me to come out, so I did......and I had a really nice time. As it turned out, Legacy Five was off that night, and Scott Fowler came, too, so I had someone to sit with. It really did my soul a world of good to remember how much the music ministers to me. If you have a chance to hear the song "You Can", that GV sings (Rodney wrote it, surprise, surprise!), you will understand when I say that even though Rodney says he wrote it for Jason, it was for me that night. It has a powerful message that tells us that when we can't see what the plan is, "You <God> Can". I did very well during the whole concert, until the pastor called for an encore and Gerald called Scott down to sing "Champion of Love" with them. That one was my undoing, I have to admit. The last time I saw that song performed, Roger was singing on stage, standing there in his little boot cast, and I could see it in my mind's eye as clearly as I did that night.

In all of the storms and trials of life, that's something worth clinging to. That faith is what keeps us going. I have missed Roger terribly today. I think part of it has to do with it being a pretty Spring day, one I know he would have enjoyed. But, then I think back to that day when Roger was lying in the hospital, so gravely ill, and at my wit's end, God spoke to my heart and told me that there is nothing on this Earth that is better than what He has for Roger <us> in Heaven. That makes me long for Heaven so much more! And while I go about my business here below, no matter what life throws my way,  I know that I remain

In His Grip!

Debbie

Opportunities

I had a very fulfilling few days this week. My journey took me from Wed. to Fri., and when I finally arrived back home, I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. I think, though, that it was mainly mentally, being my first trip out as a volunteer, and trying extra hard to get it all down right.

I did. And it was a very rewarding feeling to know that the efforts that had been made would somehow make a difference in many lives. What I thought could possibly be a stressful journey was made calm by the amount of prayers I prayed through it all. If nothing else, my prayer life will increase during these opportunities! I knew that many of you were praying as well. There were weather issues aplenty during this trip, airline disturbances, etc., yet everything went smoothly, and I am looking forward to my next opportunity this coming week.

Obviously, I won't be doing this every week, but the first two trips happened to fall this way. There are over 250 volunteers with the NMDP, in addition to staff nationwide who travel when they can, so trips are spread out among many people. However, there are over 300 bone marrow transplants performed every month! So, I hope to be able to help out many times over the course of a year.

I will close now with thanks and gratitude, both to faithful prayer warriors, and to a great big God Who is compassionate, faithful, and always willing to keep us

In His Grip!

Debbie

The New Journeys Begin

As most of you know, I completed training in Minnesota to become a volunteer courier with the National Marrow Donor Program. It was very exciting, and the people there could not have been more gracious to me. Because I had written a letter to be read to the staff there prior to my arrival, and because they shared Roger's music and a little bit of our story, many people already knew who I was, and they were so wonderful. I have to say, though, they were wonderful to everyone there. What a great group of people, giving of their time and energy for such a worthy purpose! I met some really special people, and I feel fortunate to be a part of such an incredible organization.

A Life Well Lived

I have one voice mail on my cell phone that I have saved since December, 2006. It is from Roger. While the entire message consists of only 13 syllables, I treasure it as if it were an entire speech. There are a myriad of reasons why it is so special, apart from the fact that it is from Roger. I will try to explain, and in doing so, show how significant it is to Roger's own life.

Anniversary Day

Well, today was the day I had been dreading for a while. I don't really know why it should have been different from most days, but I guess it just brought everything into more of a sharp focus. One year without my Roger. I miss him terribly.

Anyway, I was so busy today with one "challenge" after another around here, that I hardly sat down, which, I suppose, was a good thing. It didn't keep the memories and thoughts at bay, but it did keep me from dwelling too long on them.

I want to write a post that does justice to a wonderful person, but today is not the day for that. I am a little too heart-sore. So, I will save that for another day, when I feel more like it. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, but it will come.

I just wanted to thank you all for the cards, flowers, and mostly the prayers. They have surely been felt. What I thought would be a totally disabling day has been tolerated fairly well, and a peace that I didn't think possible was with me today. Again, thank you for your faithfulness. I am so glad I am a member of a family who knows the value of being

In His Grip.

Debbie