Roger Bennett's Midnight Meditations

Service Arrangements

Just another quick post until I have time to make a proper one regarding the passing of my sweet Daddy. Some of you had asked about the arrangements, and we have completed those, so here they are:

Visitation will be from 6-8pm on Wed., May 30 at Ashby Funeral Home on Narroway St. in Benton, AR.

Graveside services will be held at Pinecrest Cemetery in Alexander, AR on Thurs, May 31, at 10am, with military honors (we are so proud of my Dad's faithful service in WWII).

In lieu of flowers, donations in the honor of my father, Robert Westbrook, can be made to either
Friendship Outreach, Inc.
PO Box 2394
Batesville, AR 72503
or
Caring Hands Hospice
2000 Harrison Street, Suite E
Batesville, AR 72501
(both are tax-deductible)

Thank you for your prayers. It is a comfort to know that the dark glass Daddy was looking through here on earth has been replaced with a crystal clear river, where he will be eternally resting

In His Grip!
Debbie

Another Soldier Goes Home

Memorial Day - a very fitting day for a proud soldier to finish his battle. My precious Daddy went home this morning. I will post more later about his wonderful life, and the blessing it is to be his daughter. But, for now, I am trying to get to Arkansas to be with my Mom, and help with arrangements.

Please be in prayer for all of us, especially my mother and brother who lives with her. They had to bear the exposure to the last days, and it has been very hard for them.

I would ask for specific prayers for my two children, as they both make their ways home. Both were already scheduled to fly in on Wed. evening; Chelsea from her trip to Europe, and Jordan, for obligations he has in TN and NC. What I ask for you to pray is that their flights get in on time and safely. I am working behind the scenes here to make sure they can get to AR as soon as they land in TN, and be there for the final services for their Grandpa.

Again, more later on everything, but I wanted to pay tribute today to the most important soldier in my life.

Go in peace, Daddy, and rest

In His Grip,
Debbie

Good Music, Good People

Thank you so much for all of the prayers that continue to come our way. I am feeling much better now, and am trying to catch up on two week's worth of stuff that didn't seem to go anywhere while I was sick! Things continue to be the same, or are progressing on the worse side, with Daddy. Although he is home, and hospice, and nursing services come to the house, Mom and my brother Bobby are still the only caregivers he has; the sitter didn't work out, for whatever reason. Mom is doing well, handling it, but I know she would love a break occasionally. It will still be a week or more before I get to go down; life here keeps getting in the way.

I was feeling better enough this week to get to go to two Southern Gospel concerts, an activity that I haven't done much in the past 5 years. It just so happened that two groups of friends were in the area. On Thursday, I saw Tribute Quartet, and on Sunday, I saw the Talleys. Both were blessings. I forget sometimes how good it feels to be around loving Christian people at a concert. I admit, the quartet singing is just slightly harder for me than the mixed groups, for obvious reasons - my mind's eye keeps seeing another pianist and emcee up there, and sometimes my heart spills over from my eyes.... Having said that, though, I thoroughly enjoyed the concerts, and plan to get back into seeing more groups, as they come near. The best part is being with friends and having love and support; you just can't beat good Christian fellowship!

Chelsea is due home in about 9 days from her journeys. She is having a wonderful time, and her descriptive writing about her trip is making me so "homesick" to go there myself! It has truly been too long since I have seen my N. Ireland "family" - I will have to do something about that, as soon as I feel like I can actually make a plan.

This past week or so has brought some situations that I have had difficulty in dealing with. I guess there will always be those people; those places; those "things" in our lives that keep it from being a perfect world. I have had to lean on my belief that God is still in control, and know that He already knows all of the answers. It's just funny how all of that head knowledge forgets to get down into the heart at times. But, when that happens, I have to step back, and reassess, and remember Who is in charge. It's not me, and for that I am truly grateful! I have proven time and again that when I forget that, it's a pretty quick downhill slide. So, I am reminding myself, once again, and in the process, reminding you, too: When life seems to be spiralling out of control, step back; know that God has it in His hands, and He wants the best for His children. Lay your problems and concerns down at the feet of the Savior, and He will pick them up, and hold them wisely, and lovingly,

In His Grip!
Debbie

I'm Still Here

Boy, there have been a lot of things happening since my last post. Daddy spent a day over 4 weeks in the hospital again. He did get to come home over the weekend, but with hospice this time. Mom and my brother Bobby have set up his hospital bed where he can get a lot of natural light, and they are taking good care of him. God sent a blessing in the form of a member of Mom's church who will come and sit with Daddy a few hours each week, so she can get some things done for herself; she hasn't had that luxury in quite some time.

I was supposed to go down there again last week, but the day before I was to leave, I began to get sick and run a temperature. After two visits to a walk-in clinic in two days, I was finally diagnosed with Strep throat, and given medicine for that. Still, I wasn't getting better, and by Friday, when my fever had reached almost 104, I headed to the ER, and was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. I have NO idea where that came from; I've never had it before! Anyway, I came home on Sunday, and have spent this day resting (after taking a shower this morning just about wore me out!). I go to the doctor tomorrow to get some lab and culture results that were still pending when I left the hospital. My temp started to climb last night, and it scared me, but today has been better. I am desperately hoping that I feel well enough to have Isaiah this weekend; I miss that little guy so much! I called him tonight, the first time I have talked to him in a week (I also lost my voice, and have been hard to understand for the past 5 days [and I could almost hear a comment from Roger about that]), and it was amazing how that little voice could make me feel so much better!

I had the privilege of speaking at a benefit concert a couple of weeks ago. A very good friend of mine is starting a respite program at her church just north of Nashville. It will be a place of love where caregivers can bring their loved ones with Alzheimer's, dementia, and other incapacitating adult diseases, while they have a chance to take care of themselves, their homes, their errands, etc. They will also have special care in place so that families can attend church, something that is very difficult for most people in this situation.  I spoke about what it would mean to a caregiver to have that kind of time. I wish there had been some sort of program for my parents like that, while Daddy was able to attend. It's amazing to see how a different face can spark a conversation, when sometimes the familiar can't. We are praying for this program, called "The Veranda", to be an example to us, and to other churches to do the same. The Bible commands us to honor and respect our parents, and the elderly. Many churches provide programs for everyone in the church BUT the elderly, except for a monthly potluck for those who are healthy enough to attend. But, there is a vast commnunity of the elderly who still need our love and care, too. They still have a lot to give us, if we will just take the time to see through the disease that has taken over.

The last time I was in AR, Daddy never said my name all week. One day, though, the hosptial chaplain came in and Daddy told him I was his only daughter. Then, when the doctor came in, he told him I was his favorite daughter (never mind I am the only one, I will take it!). Even when he didn't really know who I was, he still reached for my hand to hold, and the last thing he said to me before I left was, "I love you". Those are memories that will be forever in my heart, and even though all of the travel and schedule-juggling is tough, I wouldn't trade anything for those times.

If you are blessed to be a caregiver, in any capacity, you have a special calling. I know how tiring it is. I know how frustrating it can be. I know how emotions can be very confusing at times. But, look for those moments when the person you know peeks out and smiles at you. They wouldn't choose this kind of life, if they had the choice, nor would they mean to be a burden on you. Choose to look for those blessings, and hold them in your heart. True love never dies.

God loves us all. He cares about our burdens. He wants to make us whole. While we wait on a perfect eternity, we can rest assured that we are held lovingly

In His Grip!
Debbie

More Bends in the Road of Life

OK, 2nd attempt at this post. I wrote a very heartfelt one this morning early, and then proceeded to lose it as I tried to post. Oh well, there is a reason for everything.

Life continues to be a whirlwind, but that is neither new, nor unexpected. Week before last, I was in AR, and we were trying to make some hard decisions concerning my sweet Daddy. My mother and brother who lives with them are just about exhausted with their tasks as caregivers (one of the hardest jobs there is), and Daddy was getting to the point where it was terribly hard for them to maneuver him around the house. After a lot of talking, we decided that we will try to keep him home as long as possible, with the aid of some additional help. Then, on Thursday, 4/4, we ended up having to take Daddy to the ER, and he was admitted to the MICU, where he still is. He has had no nourishment, other than IV fluids since his admission, and has been mostly unresponsive, except that he is in a highly agitated state, and his new health issues seem to be causing him a good deal of pain. It is so hard to see anyone you love in this state, but that "Daddy/daughter" bond makes it terribly difficult for me. As hard as it is to voice this, I have asked God if He doesn't see fit to restore Daddy to us for a while longer, to not let him linger in this condition. My mom is extremely tired, in addition to the grief she is feeling, and also the guilt, if she leaves him for any length of time (I soooooo "get" this). So, prayers for our family would be appreciated very much. My brother who lives with me and I are going back to AR on Monday for the week.

Since there will be more of us to divide time, I hope to be able to visit with Doug more this week in AR. He is doing well, except for a recent fall, which left his ankle very tender, and caused some scrapes and bruises. He didn't slow down much, though, and is staying busy, and making new friends.

Jordan and Jessica are doing well, and Jessica seems to be recovered from her recent illness. In fact, she has been recruited by the Miami Grand Opera for a role in their current production of "Romeo and Juliet" (go Jessica!). She will be in FL for a few weeks, doing what she loves - sword fighting! So, if you are in the area, be sure to go see my petite daughter-in-love, as she wields a huge sword, while doing flips and rolls, and being quite the star! Jordan is in CA, meanwhile, holding down the fort, and taking care of my 2 grand-dogs. I had to laugh this week, as he told me of their latest escapades. There has been a squirrel in their back yard for months, who has given them fits. Besides tormenting the dogs, he chatters incessantly, and often wakes everyone up. As Jordan was sitting on the couch, working on something, the dogs came in from outside, and sat at his feet. He reached down to pet them, and narrowly escaped petting the dead squirrel instead (we are not sure if the squirrel died of natural causes, or violent ones, but as their grandmother, I am going to say they had nothing to do with it). I just laughed, though, and told him "Welcome to the world of pet parenting!".

Chelsea continues to keep herself busy with work, church activities, and friends. She is planning a trip abroad in May, going to the wedding of a friend she made while on her mission trip in Poland, and then travelling and seeing other friends on the continent. Needless to say, she is very much looking forward to it. The back injury she received from her car wreck last summer flared up again yesterday, so I know she would appreciate your prayers for her in that respect.

As for me, I have Isaiah again this weekend, and am loving every minute of it. He is such a bright spot in my life (and everyone else's in this family), and he fills this home with joy and laughter when he is here. That boy is growing like a weed, and can give the best hugs! He is so happy when he is here with us, and none of us are ever ready for him to leave, but we are so very grateful to God for allowing us to remain in Isaiah's life, in whatever capacity He chooses. It doesn't stop the tears and heartbreak I experience every other Sunday when I have to take him back, though.

I still have unresolved legal issues, that apparently don't fit the timeline I had preferred. This is another area of my life in which I have had to re-learn lessons that I have learned many times before. I have never understood how I can so easily forget lessons that I thought I had tucked away in my heart for future reference. Thank God His mercies are new EVERY morning, and His faithfulness is great. It's apparent that, left to my own devices, I have a tendency to mess things up, so I stop several times daily to remind myself that GOD is in control, and I don't have to worry (then I forget again, and try to pick it up, and have to stop and start over again.....). Recently, I was reminded of a verse that I can now apply to my life in a whole different way. It's amazing how that happens. Truths that we may have read many times suddenly become real to us as they apply to us now. God left us such a wonderful gift in His Word. It never changes, yet it can appear new and fresh at the time we need it most. Exodus 14:14 (NIV) says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still". (KJV) says it this way: "The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace". Wow.

So, as I try my best to be still, and WAIT, and let the LORD fight the battles that lie ahead, I am confident that I have a Savior Who cares; Who loves me; Who will give me comfort, whatever the situation may be; and Who holds me gently

In His Grip!

Debbie

Missing Roger

5 years ago today, which also happened to be a Saturday, I said my earthly goodbyes to Roger, and my entire world changed in an instant. As I let him go, I remember telling him "Don't Be Afraid", and those words have echoed in my head for several days. I also remember telling him that we would be okay, and that has been true. But, the struggle comes with trying to rise above "okay". Roger was my bedrock; a strong foundation for our lives here on earth. It seems like things started crumbling when he left us behind.

Nevertheless, I am eternally grateful for the strong foundation that God has given me/us. I would be nowhere without His guidance and love in my life.

I miss Roger more today than I did 5 years ago. I know that we had said everything to each other that we needed to say before he went Home. It's the 5 years since that I long to be able to talk to him about now. I miss those conversations. I miss being able to share my feelings with him, and know without a doubt that they were safe there. I miss that connection, that intangible "something" that made me know what he was thinking, and when he was up to something! I miss his funny ways, the way he made us all laugh. I miss his serious ways, and the way he seemed to be on a mission those last months of his life, to share Jesus with everyone he came in contact with. What an example he left us all.

I know that I will always miss my Roger, and that I am not alone. You can not know what comfort it gives me, and my family, to know that he was, and still is, an influence in so many lives. Even now, I am blessed with "Roger stories" from so many, telling me what he did, or said to them that inspired them. He had a true gift of encouragement.

So, on this day of remembering, I want to remember all of the good times, and wait patiently on the day we will all be reunited with our loved ones who have gone on before us. Happy St. Patrick's Day. I am going to make one of Roger's favorite Irish desserts, "Banoffee" and enjoy it, as I know he would have!

Grief may rear its head periodically, but we have a Comforter Who holds us tenderly

In His Grip!
Debbie

Some Progress

I am heading to Arkansas today for a few days.....after 4 WEEKS in the hospital, Daddy finally got to come home this weekend! Yea! He has different home health care workers visiting him, and that's a help to my mom, for sure. We are praying that his blood pressure stays up enough so that he can remain home. Apparently, he had some problem with his adrenal glands, for one thing. They produce adrenaline (naturally) and cortisol, which keep the blood pressure up. When they have been damaged, it takes a while to get them kick-started again. We are hoping that his confusion will lessen, being at home in a more familiar place. So, I think we will spend the week rearranging some rooms to make it easier for him to get around. Mom stays very busy caring for him, so I need to think of some good things to make for the freezer, too!

I am constantly reminded of the fact that God loves us, and cares about the small details in our lives, as well as the big ones. Every time I think life gets just too hard to bear, He shows me in very tangible ways that He is close by. It is such a comfort to know that He is in charge. Each time I forget that, it doesn't take very long to remember that I just can't do it on my own. Praise God that I don't have to!!!

In the coming posts, I am going to be sharing some of Roger's own words. March 10 would have been his 53rd birthday, and March 17 will be 5 years since he got his Heavenly promotion. I can't believe it has been 5 years. Some days, it seems like it was just yesterday, and other days, it seems like an entire lifetime has passed. Life has certainly been changed for those of us left behind. This time of year is difficult to maneuver, but God is good; He is faithful; and He holds us lovingly

In His Grip!
Debbie