Roger Bennett's Midnight Meditations

More Memories

March 17.....it will never be just "St. Patrick's Day" again. This year, it marks 2 years since we lost our beloved Roger. Okay, he's not lost, we KNOW where he is, and that makes it much more bearable.

Those memories are pressing in like ocean waves right now. Some good, but mostly, as anniversaries approach, I tend to relive the end days, and those are definitely not so good. I remember writing last year, as the one-year anniversary approached, that I was afraid of losing my memories. I can truly say that they are still fresh, and vivid, both the good and the bad. I am not complaining, though, because any memory is a precious one. I am so thankful that God allows us to have those thoughts to comfort us in our grief.

I decided this year, not to sit around the house brooding, but rather to do something to honor the life of one I loved so much. So, I asked for a courier trip, and I am going to be delivering a gift of life on March 17. I thought Roger would like to know that I am still inspired by the way he lived his life. I felt a little bit guilty not being home with Chelsea and Jordan on the actual day, but they are fine with it. We met yesterday (Sunday) for a meal and some remembrance together. We did that last year, too, and as long as we can keep that up, it will be a nice tradition. Chelsea and I shopped for flowers, I put them together in an arrangement, and she will take them to put on his grave tomorrow. As I was putting them together, though, I got kind of tickled, wondering if Roger would appreciate the fact that I hand-select and arrange his flowers, or if he would rather have them professionallly done so they look nice! (Just kidding, I know he would love them because we made them for him, even though flower arranging is not one of my most-honed skills!)

In general, we are all doing well, and moving forward with our lives. Most days, we make it through without incident......It's just these more poignant days that cause us to wonder how the grief can still be so sharp; how the emptiness can still be so vast; how the longing can still be so intense. Then, the gentle hand of God will lovingly stroke us, and remind us that, after all, Roger got what he always longed for; what he sang and ministered about; what we wants for all of us:  to be forever with the One Who holds us

In His Grip!

Debbie

Happy Birthday...

How I wish I could really say those words to Roger on March 10. It would have been his 50th birthday, and my imagination can conjure up just how much fun we all would have had with that. Instead, I will be spending his birthday taking care of some financial business, and missing him tremendously. It boggles my mind to even think of him as being 50. He will always be 47 in my memory, even though he was officially 48 when he left us. I confess I have had a couple of "poor, pitiful me" days lately. But, I can always go back to that day when God spoke to my heart and told me that there is nothing on this Earth that is better than what He has in store for His children in Heaven. So, in reality, I can celebrate March 10, not as an earthly birthday for a wonderful man, but as an eternal celebration of Roger's new life, there with the One Who has him safely

In His Grip!

Debbie

Changes

It's the time of year again, when all of the memories flood in at a non-stop rate (as if they don't other times of the year!). I simply can not believe it has been almost 2 years since Roger left us. Some days I still think he will come in from a road trip and things will go back to the way they once were. But, time does move on, and with it, the memories become less painful, and the happy times push themselves forward to be savored, and enjoyed, and laughed about.

Chelsea and I were able to attend a performance of "Riverdance" last week, and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The talent on that stage is amazing! At some point in the show, I caught myself chuckling, and Chelsea asked me what I was laughing about. Well, I had been sitting there thinking about how much Roger would have liked the show, and then I thought about the probability that he would have been sitting there, figuring out how to incorporate a little Irish jig into his next appearance on stage! When I told her that, she grinned, too. We ALL know it would have happened! And I can just picture it, as if he were here. I don't know, perhaps he has learned to do an Irish jig in Heaven (being, as he once said, "terminally Baptist", he did very little Riverdancing down here!). One thing I do know, though, is that whatever he is doing, He is still rejoicing about finally being HOME.

I spent the weekend with friends in Houston, and had a wonderful time there. It still feels like going home when I am there. I always have a few moments of apprehension, but quickly settle in. As I drove from the airport, I noticed several things that had changed a lot. At first, I was saddened to see the changes, but then I realized that everything in life changes....some things for the good, and some not as good. In this case, the changes just emphasized to me that life keeps moving forward. Change is inevitable, and if we are open to God's leading, no matter what the path may be, He is always able to bless the new journeys He will bring to us.

My prayer for my family and friends, as well as for myself, is that we keep our hearts open to God's direction in our lives. He has promised us that He will keep us forever

In His Grip!

Debbie