A Belated Merry Christmas!

By now, most of us are wading in discarded wrapping paper, and wondering what to do with all of the leftovers in the refrigerator. I sincerely hope that your Christmas was spent remembering the TRUE meaning for the season. Our Christmas celebration was very different this year, and, in fact, is not over yet. Chelsea and I went to Arkansas over the Dec. 17 weekend (which would have been mine and Roger's 30th wedding anniversary - wonderful memories, but bittersweet) so that she could spend a quick weekend with her grandparents. I am going back over New Year's to celebrate again with them, and with my oldest brother's clan. Then, she and I will fly to Los Angeles the first weekend of January to visit with Jordan and Jessica, and to have our Christmas with them. I got to be with Isaiah for his Christmas morning, and got some precious video and lots of love.

2011 is ending up quite a bit differently from what I ever expected. My heart is heavy, as my marriage is ending, as well. I will not go into any details, and only ask for your prayers as things are sorted out. My heartfelt prayer is that God's Will be done in this most stressful situation, and that, if it IS His Will, that I be allowed to remain in Isaiah's life. It will take God's intervention for that to happen, but that precious child of my heart is foremost in my mind. I know that God will take care of him, no matter what, but it is hard to hand him over, praying for some rights, and for his protection, and wait for the answer.

I guess I have learned a lot of lessons from this experience, and as my wise son said, if I learn from my mistakes, it hasn't all been in vain. I do know that God can make even our worst mistakes work for good, and if nothing else, I believe that I was there to help Isaiah get into a safer place, and to place some things in his heart that he will hopefully remember throughout his lifetime. I have also learned that I have had to ask for forgiveness for all of the times I have judged others. I know I face a lot of judgment and condemnation, and truthfully, a lot of that will be self-inflicted, but I also know that there is NO WAY to know all of the circumstances of another person's life, nor to know what is going on behind the scenes. I know from personal experience that you can put on a smile for the world, and cry many tears behind closed doors.

As you have noticed, my posts have been very sporadic lately, and that is largely due to the turmoil I have had going on in my life, and quite honestly, because I am so embarrassed to be in a place that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be in. However, I decided to share some of it so that others who are hurting - and hiding - can know that there is no one in this world who will remain untouched by a tragedy of some kind. I was going through some old sermon notes again today, and ran across one that said, "Maybe we are tested the way we are, so that when we are wounded, others will be able to see the essence of Christ bleeding out." Yes. I need to be so filled with Christ that my wounds bleed HIS very essence. It is a struggle right now, but that is the person I truly desire to be.

And, it has brought the true meaning of the Christmas season home to me in such a different way this year. Because, if not for the tiny baby born in a manger so long ago, I would have no hope; no comfort; no love to sustain me during this new trial in my life. I am eternally grateful that God looked down, and knew I would need a Savior. He knew I would need a Healer. He knew that I would need guidance, forgiveness, and love, and He sent His only Son, to hang on a cross to make my life worthy. I may be losing a step-son (and may not be, only the Lord knows that), but God understands that, too. He has walked every path I could possibly imagine walking in this life. He loves me; He forgives me; He has plans for me; and He keeps me firmly

In His Grip,
Debbie

Comments

[Bev Stellmacher]

Dear Debbie,
I cry with you and cry for you but I will also pray that in time all your hurts will heal. I don't question as to what happened to your marriage but do know that we all make mistakes and as you and I both know that all can be forgiven. That is what Christmas was all about. God knew that we would need a Savior to forgive us and save us. We don't know what tomorrow will bring in your life, but please keep that hope that you can be close to your step son. Only God knows what will happen in our future. Keep your chin up and keep your hope and faith strong. I pray that in time you will be happy again.
Love In Christ Bev

[Pam Barrow]

Just the other day I was feeling pretty down about some things and went on to youtube, looking for something else and as one thing leads to another, I ended up listening to The Cathedrals, with Glen singing "We Shall See Jesus". Wow - that put things into perspective! Another time I was at a concert where Roger said something I will never forget - and I will remind you now - the ONLY thing that matters is that Jesus is ALIVE!! He is our hope and He loves you, and does not condemn...and He is the only one who would be justified to do so. May God bless you and may 2012 lead you into a deeper understanding of His excellent grace!

[Barb]

Debbie...How brave of you to share this with us & Amen to Bev for her post, I could not have said it any better.
Debbie, I could see myself in your post. So many times put that smile on my face, and then close the door & shed many tears. I don't know where I would be without God's forgivness. He will always be there for you Debbie. Satan will work over-time, telling us how we failed, but just give him a kick, & hold your head up & tell him you belong to God & he has no power over you!
You are a wonderful person, and we love you. Everything will be just fine! Enjoy your time with your kids.

[Jeannie]

Debbie, years ago I faced a similar situation. I was lonely and ready to be married, and I found someone that God did not put before me. I struggled with this relationship and alienated my loving family in the process. But one precious Aunt who led me to Christ in the first place, continued to lift me up, and I eventually got out of the marriage after a year, a miserable one at that. And my family and I came together again. But as your son said, I learned a lot, I am a better person because of this, I grew closer to God, I can empathize with others more, and I now have been married to a wonderful man for 20 years. While I was in my mess, his wife took her life and his children. After all the pain, God brought us together in church - through his pain and through mine - and has continually blessed us. God will work it all out, and you will come through this in peace and with a greater relationship with Christ. Give Isaiah to Christ and let Him work it out according to His will! My prayers are with you. Love in Christ, Jeannie

[Nebra]

Remember: You are loved, for the One who knows you best loves you most! Powerful words and powerful truth!

[cathy]

Debbie, You honor God sharing your hurts in order to help others. The blessings in the eye of the storm are from God. I have been praying for you all the way and I am praying even harder now. Your quote of " I know from personal experience that you can put on a smile for the world, and cry many tears behind closed doors." is understood by many! You are brave to share your hurts as we also understand there are many that are hurting!

[Lori]

Debbie, I love you and have been telling you for a long time how brave you are. Well my friend, this post is your badge of courage. I pray for you a healthy 2012 both physically and spiritually. I think you are going to be just fine. Keep staying In His Grip!

[Lori Salisbury]

Debbie,

I have never written before but I have read this blog for years. I remember the first time Roger came with the Cathedrals to Lansing Michigan. I also remember when George made the announcement that Roger was off the market (as he put it) that he was marrrying you. I am so sorry you had to lose Roger so soon but always remember the good memories of your life with him and put the mistakes and heartaches behind you. God is able to uphold you with His strong arm and will guide you thru your life. We will be praying for you.
Lori

[Ruth Gilbert]

Dear Debbie...my heart is breaking for you right now. All I can say is that we all love you. Your blog (and Roger's) have helped me so much. I can sort of relate to what you are saying...my husband is a Baptist pastor and I have been having a very difficult time dealing with the fact that our son has turned away from us (because of how he is leading his life). I've been embarassed because I don't feel like I am as strong a Christian as I should be...but, then I keep thinking that I am only human. Anyway, we LOVE you and thanks for always being so open and honest.
Ruth Gilbert
Corsicana, TX

[Betty]

Don't ever forget...we love you!

[Steve]

Debbie,

I have read this blog for a long time--ever since Roger was writing. I have just read it, but have never commented on anything. I think I would like to today. There are lots of things in life we do not understand. I know that you feel that right now in your life. I think that sometimes there are things we will never understand. We have to accept them. And that as you know is very hard to do. I have a friend who always tells me that God does not have to punish us because we punish ourselves. Maybe so. The thing that I really wanted to write today is that God loves you today as much as He did when you were a new-born baby. And he will always love you that much. I think that's something we can understand and it's something we can remind ourselves of from time to time as we need to.

[Robbie Nelson]

Dear Debbie - Have just read your latest post and how I hurt for you. If I am honest, your announcement was not a big surprise. Somehow I have felt this was coming. I'm so sorry and want you to know you do not need to be embarrassed. We love you and thank you for being so open and honest with us. I am one who finds it easy to share but others do not. Yet as you have shared your heart and emotions with us, you have helped others and I hope, in turn, our comments have been a help and encouragement to you. I pray that God will pour His precious peace into and over you in the coming weeks and months and that your heart's desire concerning that sweet little boy may be realized.

[Jane]

My heart breaks for you and the hurt you are going through now. Although we have never met, you have been a real inspiration to me during the time you have posted on this blog. There is not a human in the world who has the right to judge or condem you. God sees the whole picture, and he knows the whole truth and he loves you more than you can ever imagine. I am sure that al of us who read your postings will be praying for you. You are one super lady, and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. God loves you, and so do we.

[Bernace]

Dear Debbie.
God's Word and His Truth say it all; how much He loved us when He sent His Son to earth to experience what we would go through and much more, to die for our sins, and how much He always loves us and forgives us. We have ALL come short of God's best plan for our lives, but forgetting those things which are past, press on in His Love and Grace. God has forgiven us, now we must forgive ourselves. I love and hold on to this truth - fear not tomorrow, God IS already there. Jesus is alive and interceding for us at His Father's right hand. You are loved and prayed for by so many, so keep on praying and praising and do keep on posting.

[glyndene deaton]

LOVE AND PRAYERS ALWAYS.

[Marcie Moss]

Debbie - Tears are running down my face as I read your post. My heart aches for you and what you are going through. I am so thankful that you have God's amazing love and strength and your precious children to sustain you. I pray God's will in your life for little Isaiah as I know he is something very dear to you. The words of a Chris Tomlin song come to mind and I pray they will bring you comfort and, remember, you remain always In His Grip! "Forever God is faithful; Forever God is strong; Forever God is with us; Forever"

You remain in my heart and prayers!

Marcie Moss
Byhalia, MS

[Janice]

Debbie, I appreciate your post. Been looking for some words from you and suspecting something wasn't quite right in your life. I will be praying for you as you go through these difficult days. Always remember God loves you no matter what. With much love & prayers.

[Carmen]

My heart is heavy for you because I just personally ended a relationship that was not working. After giving 100 percent and zero back it had to give. I made a mistake to marry and alcoholic, and being the educated person that I am, I did not see that until four years into the relationship. People will disappoint but God never will. Lessons learned is what makes us a tool for others, and lessons learned makes up stronger. Wishing you the best for a better year, and the best is yet to come for both of us. Of course, we weep and cry to want things in the natural, but GOD HAS ANOTHER PLAN. Many blessing to you and your new start, new adventure, and new plans for your life.

[Ann Woodward]

Hi Debbie,
A belated Merry Christmas to you.
I will pray for you as I'm sure you are hurting right now but I'm so glad you know your heavenly Father loves you and is with you.
Life is no bed of roses and that was never promised. It took me a long time to realize the imperfections in my life have made me stronger and closer to God as I learn from my mistakes and grow in Him.
Ann

[Elfie Warner Hobgood]

We love you and are praying for you.

[Diane Altes]

Debbie, I can only echo what others have said here. You are loved! And we are praying for you. After 38 years of marriage, I went through an unwanted, devastating divorce in 2009. And like you, I had to ask for forgiveness for being judgemental of others in the past. Although the divorce completely devastated me, our Heavenly Father was there to catch me in His everlasting arms and has loved me through the process. He will do the same for you! The Collingsworth Family sing a song that has blessed and comforted me in so many ways. And right this minute the actual title escapes me (a senior moment!) but the lyric that has played over and over in my mind and heart says simply, "fear not tomorrow, God is already there". And thank God for that!! These last two years have taught me that as long as I continue to follow the footprints He leaves and continue to trust and seek His will for my life, He will not fail me. I pray that as you walk this journey, you will find His comfort, strength, as well as hope for a bright future. Remember, "God is already there"!

Diane Altes
Lewisville, TX

[Beccie]

Debbie.
Oh how my heart hurts for you.
I will be praying that you can turn it all over to the Lord and let him comfort you.
Remain forever in His Grip.
Prayers for you and your family as you go through these hard times.
Your friend through Christ.
Beccie

[Becky]

Debbie,
I really had been thinking something was wrong for some time now. I am sorry for your loss. I also believe God will use you to minister to yet another group of people. It seems ministry is your call and you have been very good about ministering to others. Know there are a lot of us out here who are encouraged by you...maybe even more so when it is raw life. It is easy to praise when life is sweet...it is harder when life is sour. You never loose the focus. Thank you and please do keep posting. We will look forward to your next adventure of life whatever it may be. Blessings for 2012,
Becky In Wisconsin

[Diane Clarke]

Dear Debbie;
I have known of you and Roger since I was a teenager (I am now a 'young' gramma). We as Christians do not judge. "Mistakes" in life are simply life lessons and we all make them. We NEED to make them in order to grow. Know we love you no matter what the circumstances. Hold your head high. We look forward to your posts.
Diane Clarke
Welland, Ontario

[Linda Cooper]

Debbie,

Please know that we are all here for you with our love and prayers. God will make a way where there does not seem to be a way -- and as you know that way will be what is best for all. I agree that you are very brave to share your story -- and that you may be helping someone who really needs to feel a comraderie with someone like you who is going through a similar situation that they are. It is only when we reach heaven that any of us is perfect -- and all of us have things in our lives we would not want everyone to know.
My prayer for you is God's peace and God's perfect will for you.

Love and prayers,
Linda Cooper,
Ada, OK