A Belated Merry Christmas!

By now, most of us are wading in discarded wrapping paper, and wondering what to do with all of the leftovers in the refrigerator. I sincerely hope that your Christmas was spent remembering the TRUE meaning for the season. Our Christmas celebration was very different this year, and, in fact, is not over yet. Chelsea and I went to Arkansas over the Dec. 17 weekend (which would have been mine and Roger's 30th wedding anniversary - wonderful memories, but bittersweet) so that she could spend a quick weekend with her grandparents. I am going back over New Year's to celebrate again with them, and with my oldest brother's clan. Then, she and I will fly to Los Angeles the first weekend of January to visit with Jordan and Jessica, and to have our Christmas with them. I got to be with Isaiah for his Christmas morning, and got some precious video and lots of love.

2011 is ending up quite a bit differently from what I ever expected. My heart is heavy, as my marriage is ending, as well. I will not go into any details, and only ask for your prayers as things are sorted out. My heartfelt prayer is that God's Will be done in this most stressful situation, and that, if it IS His Will, that I be allowed to remain in Isaiah's life. It will take God's intervention for that to happen, but that precious child of my heart is foremost in my mind. I know that God will take care of him, no matter what, but it is hard to hand him over, praying for some rights, and for his protection, and wait for the answer.

I guess I have learned a lot of lessons from this experience, and as my wise son said, if I learn from my mistakes, it hasn't all been in vain. I do know that God can make even our worst mistakes work for good, and if nothing else, I believe that I was there to help Isaiah get into a safer place, and to place some things in his heart that he will hopefully remember throughout his lifetime. I have also learned that I have had to ask for forgiveness for all of the times I have judged others. I know I face a lot of judgment and condemnation, and truthfully, a lot of that will be self-inflicted, but I also know that there is NO WAY to know all of the circumstances of another person's life, nor to know what is going on behind the scenes. I know from personal experience that you can put on a smile for the world, and cry many tears behind closed doors.

As you have noticed, my posts have been very sporadic lately, and that is largely due to the turmoil I have had going on in my life, and quite honestly, because I am so embarrassed to be in a place that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be in. However, I decided to share some of it so that others who are hurting - and hiding - can know that there is no one in this world who will remain untouched by a tragedy of some kind. I was going through some old sermon notes again today, and ran across one that said, "Maybe we are tested the way we are, so that when we are wounded, others will be able to see the essence of Christ bleeding out." Yes. I need to be so filled with Christ that my wounds bleed HIS very essence. It is a struggle right now, but that is the person I truly desire to be.

And, it has brought the true meaning of the Christmas season home to me in such a different way this year. Because, if not for the tiny baby born in a manger so long ago, I would have no hope; no comfort; no love to sustain me during this new trial in my life. I am eternally grateful that God looked down, and knew I would need a Savior. He knew I would need a Healer. He knew that I would need guidance, forgiveness, and love, and He sent His only Son, to hang on a cross to make my life worthy. I may be losing a step-son (and may not be, only the Lord knows that), but God understands that, too. He has walked every path I could possibly imagine walking in this life. He loves me; He forgives me; He has plans for me; and He keeps me firmly

In His Grip,
Debbie

Comments

[Kelly Burton]

Dear Debbie,
The one conversation I've had with you was about second chances. Well, God is about unlimited chances. I believe you have a heart full of love and generosity, and He has something better for you around the corner. And I do hope you will be allowed to remain in Isaiah's life. You have my prayers for healing, peace, and love...
Kelly

[Jenell Shaver McNeill]

Debbie, I mistakenly posted a comment under the Happy Thanksgiving post. I didnt know how to get it under the Christmas post. Could you look under the Thanksgiving one & read my post to you?
Im so sorry,
Jenell McNeill

[Carla Payne Traylor]

Hi Debbie,
It truly does seem like sometimes we need to get off the rollercoaster, but it's those ups and downs that keep us looking up. I am so thankful for everything I've been through because without those trying times, I wouldn't be where I am. It's amazing how you feel him holding your hand through every hour. I will be praying for you and your stepson. Love, Carla

[Geneva Speas]

My Dear Friend.
You are in my prayers. Hold your head high. Don't be ashamed. Look forward to a new year. God's grace will sustain you and give you peace. You are loved. Love you.

[Bonnie Northwood]

Debbie, I have never writen you before but tonight reading your post I felt some tugging at my heart. My husband died March 9th, 2007...a week before Roger and when I heard you were remarring JB I was happy for you but felt you were torn and lonesome and needed to be part of a couple again(You are still so young).
I am so sorry this has not worked out the way you and he wanted it to, but remember, by meeting JB, you were introduced to a young child that will forever remember you and what you taught him during this brief time in his life. Children are wonderful little creatures that don't remember gifts and such but they surely will remember you getting in the floor and playing with them, or that hug and kiss when they needed it so badly...So while your marriage may be breaking up, I don't think it was a mistake at all...God always knows what he is doing...

God bless you...Bonnie Northwood

[Wilda]

I have been reading your posts lately, but have not commented. I am SO very sorry you have been placed in the situation in which you find yourself. There is a reason for all things, and this will shine more clearly as time goes on. Keep your head up, Deb, and you will come thru it all. I'm sure you have learned many lessons in the last year thru your experiences. I am not a great communicator unlike many others, but I know God is with you and will bring you thru!!! Praying for you as you face the future and are, IN HIS GRIP! God Bless you thru 2012. Keep us updated. Blessings to you.

[Erma rohrer]

Dear Debbie, I have read this blog for a long time and what keeps me coming back to read it is the courage and honesty it reveals in it. I thank you for sharing a very difficult situation with honesty and courage once again. God does not ask us to be perfect but to be faithful. What being faithful to me means admitting mistakes and turning around to follow a different path. God bless you as you begin this different path and know there are people like me praying for you. Your honesty may help someone else make that very difficult decision to make that change. Love and prayers, Erma

[Alanna Black]

Debbie, my heart aches with you and I can not hold the tears back. I know this has been a long, long, struggle with you. Only God completely knows the hurt, stress, struggles and trying times you have been through. It is not for us to judge. I will support you whatever, and I want you to know that I love you and have always looked up to you as a strong person that God is molding into a beautiful, beautiful person. I still miss Roger, as I am sure you and kids do, but, we know that we will see him again someday soon. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily and I know that God is going to turn this into good. Please pray for me, I lost my precious daddy in May of this year. He lived to be 95 years old and had he lived until October of this year (2011) they would have been married 77 years. I am so thankful for all the years I had with him. I have now brought my mom, age 95, to live with me in Bolivar, MO...23 miles north of Springfield, MO. Praying for you daily,
Love you,
Alanna Black

[connie nicholl]

Debbie, thanks for sharing your heart. This has to be so difficult to have your life as 'open' as it is. God will use this and still use you. We certainly will not be judging you. My heart hurts for you. My mom and I will be praying for you. We love you!! Connie

[Bill and Linda Brewer]

My prayer is that God will richly bless you and your family in the New Year!! Only God knows how many lives are touched by your openness and honesty regarding your life in your posts. We love you! Bill and Linda

[Sarah UK]

Dear Debbie, Your Godly heart just shines through all the time. I pray that you will feel God's love and care all around you at this time. I once heard a Pastor say that a good translation of Ephesians 1 v 3 is "God always speaks good things about us in the heavenly places". Be assured that He is doing that about you and so are we! God bless you, Debbie xx

[C turnbull]

Debbie,
I am praying for you. Thanks for sharing so we truly know how to lift you up before the Lord. We all have lessons to learn, and we have all made our fair share of mistakes. You are loved!
Have a blessed, happy, and healthy New 2012

Cheryl/Lenexa KS

[Becky Arvin]

Debbie What precious words have been said to you. You are an amazing lady with such courage to put your life out there for all of us. Rest assured that many prayers have and will continue to go up for you and everyone involved. Debbie I adopted 2 children and I can tell you the love for children no matter how they come into your life is amazing. He will be blessed many times over for having you a part of his early childhood and my pray is you will be able to continue to be. You and your daughter go and have a wonderful time and our prayer will be for 2012 to bring you much happiness. Thanks again for touching so many lives thru all the times you and Roger have shared with all of us We love you dearly your KY friend, Becky

[Rebecca Gardiner]

Debbie,
I'm a little new to posting comments on here, but I have been following your post for a few months and they have been such an encouragement to me. Roger is my hero, not only because I myself am involved in music, but because of his pure testimony and his love for the Lord, other people, and music.
This post has caught my attention especially today. I'm so sorry about your marraige situation. Just know that God has a plan for it all. I guess the part where you mentioned that this year would have been your and Roger's 30th anniversary. I guess it was just the fact that a man at my church passed away on New Years Day at 2:30 after a 3 year battle with Leukimia. He went into remition for a little while, and his cancer relapsed a few months ago and his health declined rapidly. He had liver problems, pneumonia, and the chemotherapy wasn't working. He was in a lot of pain. But through it all he fought with all his might and stayed faithful to the Lord. He was like a grandfather to me. When I found out that he went home, all I could think about was Roger's song, Home Free, and how Gary won't have to worry about the pains of cancer and sickness, just like Roger when he went home. I'm sure they are both singing up a storm in Heaven. :)
Anyway, thank you for being such an encouragement to so many. I hope everything works out ok. God Bless!
Rebecca Gardiner
Psalm 98:1

[Janet]

Be encouraged and keep looking toward the sky. His mercies are new every morning, and in due time, your night will be turned into morning and you will dance!! You are a beloved daughter of the Most High, so keep on remembering that. I feel privileged and blessed to read your posts. Thank you for sharing your heart and you remain in my prayers.

[Marilyn Crabtree]

I have not commented in a long time but your post made me want to say how sorry I was when I read your new post. I would like to encourage you to not feel embarrassed but remember that you are a child of a wonderful God who has already forgiven our failures. Thank you so much for being so honest with those who read this blog. God has a wonderful plan and purpose for your life and He will show you His plan. My prayers will be with you during this time. I will be anxious to see what God has for you in the future.

[Jean McCormick]

Praying that God heals your broken heart, circles you with loving friends and is always there when you need him. We all make mistakes but we serve a loving and forgiving God who loves us more than anyone else. So glad you felt you could share your intermost hurts with your friends. God will take care of you and he will do exactly what is best in all of these problems. Know you are being prayed for and loved. Jean

[Ruth Redden]

Debbie:

I have followed you thru your postings over the past few years and having gone through what you are now going through truly understand where you are coming from. God will sustain you and with time the hurts will heal and you will realize God put you in this situation for a reason and you will be able to pick up the pieces and carry on in whatever area God wants to use you.

God Bless

Ruth

[JUDY HICKS]

HI DEBBIE,
I HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM L5'S ROSWELL STREET CONCERT. I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT I HAVEN'T CRIED AS THEY CAME ON STAGE WITHOUT ROGER. I'M NOT SAYING I DIDN'T MISS HIM BUT IT WAS WITHOUT TEARS. EVERY YEAR WE GO I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME L5 TOOK THE STAGE. AN AWESOME NIGHT. LANDON BEAN WAS THERE AND HE SHARED A ROGER STORY WHEN HE INTRODUCED THE GROUP. DURING INTERMISSION I THANK HIM FOR THE STORY AND HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED HIM SHARING.
I AM GLAD THAT YOUR SHARED YOUR SITUATION. LIKE OTHERS I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING AMISS. I COULD TELL YOU WEREN'T TRULY HAPPY. AS YOU SAID THERE WAS A REASON...AND YES, ISAIAH HAS BEEN WONDERFULLY BLESSED BY HAVING YOU IN HIS LIFE. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL EMBARRASSED ESPECIALLY WITH THOSE WHO LOVE YOU AND WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND WANT YOUR HAPPINESS. THIS TOO WILL PASS AND YOU WILL SEE THERE WERE BLESSINGS ALONG THE WAY.
TAKE CARE SWEET LADY..
LOVE AND PRAYERS,
JUDY HICKS

[Elizabeth Brewer]

How I wish I could sit with you and have coffee. We have faced many of the same battles, but we have the same God!So I will share what He has given me. Through all of this I want you to share His word to me "The Lord is good; a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knoweth them that trust in Him" Nahum 1:7
I will pray for you AND your family, especially Isaiah! Keep us posted as you can and feel able.
A Canadian sister in Christ
Elizabeth Brewer

[Amy]

Debbie, thanks for continuing to share about your challenges and your family's life. I continue to prary for you and pray that 2012 brings an extra measure of blessings to you.

[Brian Holt]

Debbie, I'm so sorry for all that you are dealing with, but I know God is with you and will be with you through it all. Best wishes for a brand new start in 2012! You are in our prayers always.
Brian Holt
Statesboro, Ga.

[Shirl]

Debbie, thanks for sharing your life with us. I know you are ministering to so many by being so open and honest with everyone. I'm so sorry for your pain. Life is so hard to understand sometimes. Stay close to the Lord! We'll be praying for you. We never know what someone is going through, so we should never judge them. God bless you, Debbie. May 2012 be a year filled with many blessings and much joy for you. Blessings!

[Linda in Ohio]

Hi Debbie,
I woke up this morning thinking about you and for some reason felt the Lord asking me to share with you what a dear old saint who has now gone home to be with the Lord told me years and years ago. I was going thru a dark time and she told me "The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." I have used that many times over the years because of the comfort it gives me knowing that no matter what God has his hand upon me. I know he has his hand upon you,

With love,
Linda from Ohio

[Barbara Weaver]

Dear Debbie
I wrote and lost it, so this will be brief. You are an encouragement to us all. Right now I have a lot of saddnes in my life, but I will try to be brave and strong as you are. I know God holds me even though I feel so alone and afraid.
Lots of Love and Prayers from Wisconsin Barb Weaver