Thinking Out Loud

I awoke this morning to the realization that today marks the 5 1/2 year anniversary of Roger's homegoing. (Actually, I had a wee cry last night, thinking about it.) In remembering that significant day, I also began thinking about the 5 1/2 years that have followed. I began tallying up the highs and lows that have presented themselves in that time, and I decided I could look at it in one of two ways. So, in a nutshell, here are my random thoughts:

I'm beginning with the "lows" for a particular reason, so bear with me. In the time since Roger left this world, I've also lost other dear friends and family to death, including my precious Daddy this past May. When I lost Daddy, I had the thought that the only two men who had ever loved me JUST FOR ME were gone now. So I had a pity party about that, followed by a deeper appreciation of the fact that I had them at all, and I had them for much longer than some do. I have made some huge mistakes, including allowing myself to be misled. I have endured fractures in some of my most treasured relationships, and have been blessed to see healing begin again in those same relationships. I have seen a lifestyle that had encompassed my entire adult life be whisked out from under me like a rug being pulled away. I have known loneliness and heartache with no one to hold me and say "I'll take this for a little while; it will be okay." HOWEVER.......

I have also known the "ups" that follow each and every disappointment in life. My "new" life has afforded me some opportunities for service that I simply didn't have time for before now. I love my volunteer work with the National Marrow Donor Program. While I've had to cut back on the number of trips I've been able to help with, because of various circumstances, I see my availability beginning to pick up once again. And, the love that I've always fostered for the elderly has been used in new and different ways, as well. Besides being able to see what my own precious Daddy endured, I now have the blessing of being able to work with other sweet people in The Veranda ministry (see the link from my Facebook page). I've learned new lessons about friendship - the ones who are true, and the ones who needed to be culled. I've developed new friendships from wonderful readers of this blog, who are a huge source of encouragement to me - what a genuine blessing!
God keeps throwing surprises my way, in the form of people and opportunities, and on those days when loneliness creeps up behind me, there is usually a hug waiting in some form. The trials that I've endured while trying to clean up the mess I allowed in a relationship have resulted in the blessing of being in a child's life that I did not expect, but am eternally grateful for.

I didn't list my woes and whining for the purpose of garnering sympathy. I hope you can see the heart that comes into play here. What I am saying is that I have made the CHOICE to REJOICE! As we all could, I could choose to take the trials of my life, and wallow in the pits of despair (and I'm not saying that there aren't days that I stop off there for a little while), staying there and living a miserable, unhappy, unfulfilling, and uninspiring life. Rather, my choice is to take those trials, learn from them, and use them to build a better tomorrow. Lessons in life can be painful, for sure. We can choose what to do with what we learn. I choose to share my trials and the lessons I learn, in the hope that I may encourage someone else who can't yet see the possibility of redemption.

If there is but one thing that I learned from Roger Bennett (and there are plenty more, I assure you!), it is that encouragement is a gift in itself, and by sharing it, it comes back to you in waves that are much more far-reaching than we ever dreamed.

So, Rog, as we continue to celebrate your promotion to Heaven, we remember so well how you still encourage us in your earthly absence. In my own life, I hope that I will better use the lessons you left behind, and grow in the knowledge that my Savior loves me; He wants to guide me; He really cares about me; and He holds me so very lovingly
In His Grip!
Debbie

Comments

[P.Scott]

As I go through some "new" twists in the road in my own family, it's assuring to know that we are really just people on a journey and if we look around...there is a hurting person in every pew. It's when we fail to open up and share that our own burdens become bigger. Thank you for being so open and honest. it helps me to open up to those my life intersects with and share the good and not so good in my life that makes up "my story." I pray today you feel God's presence and know that HE delights in you.

[Shanna Locker]

Debbie your words inspire me to take some time and write about what the last 5 1/2 years have taught me. In so many ways they have been as full of lows and highs as your have been. Thanks you for sharing what you have walked through and how you have grown. You are a special lady and, though we are strangers here on earth, you are my Sister in Christ! Love, ~Shanna~

[Rick Busby]

Debbie,
It is hard to believe that it has been 5 1/2 years since Roger has gone to his eternal home. Wow, I miss my friend. I know that you certainly miss him.

You have amazed me through the trials and struggles that you have endured since that time. I believe if Roger you talk to you now he would certainly tell you the same. All of us make mistakes or take the wrong road in our life. The good news is that we serve a God of ENDLESS CHANCES!!! He will bless you in all that you are doing now to reach out help others through your volunteer work.

Debbie, you know how much Cyndi and I love you. It has been too long since we saw you. I really hope that soon we will be back in the Nashville area and can get together again. Keep on keepin' on for Jesus! Love, Rick

[Ruth Gilbert]

Hi Debbie --
I have admired you for so long for your courage...but, I am learning to admire you in SO many other ways. Your honesty (even in your own life) is just overwhelming! I'm glad you are my friend (even if it's just a cyber-relationship) -- I gain so much from you! God bless you now and in the future!
Love,
Ruth Gilbert
Overton, TX

[C turnbull]

Debbie,
I have learned much through your words and all the others through these 5 1/2 YRS. What is important is when we realize our mistakes, move on, share with others, and love the Lord still with all our hearts. We all learn by our trials, and I am thankful for the Lords forgiveness over and over.
Glad to see another post today on our youngest daughters birthday who has turned 28.
Cheryl/Lenexa KS

[Linda]

Debbie,
I so enjoyed reading your post today. I wonder--do you know how you minister to others as you share with us?. The last three years have been a real struggle in my marriage. I have often wondered if our well over forty year relationship is going to survive.Today you reminded me that God is in contol and if I let him hold me tenderly in his grip the end results will come out just as HE plans. I so needed to be reminded that he is the leader and I need to follow. And I so needed to be reminded that it is only thru God that I can deal with this life's trials. I lost sight of that for a little while. Thank you for sharing so deeply of your heart. You were my blessing today. Linda

[Becky]

Debbie,
It is so nice to see a post from you. I know when I click and see you have a new post I will smile before I am done reading it. You always seem to have just the right words to say no matter what they are. Please keep posting as you really are a great encouragement to many, many people who have never met you in person. I am reminded of the song, "Thank You For Giving To The Lord." When your time comes there will be many lined up who you do not know and they will be there as a result of you sharing with them on this post. Words are very, very powerful. Thank you for honestly and openly sharing.
Becky In Wisconsin

[Robbie Nelson]

Loved your post, Debbie. You are so right -- we choose how we respond and you've definitely made the right choice. You aren't perfect and have made some poor decisions - but haven't we all? I feel confident that today, you cherish the relationships that fractured even more highly than you did before when you didn't even think you could. You continue to teach us ---- thank you! We love you.

[Ann Woodward]

Hi Debbie,
I appreciate your words so much.
I just returned from the quartet convention in KY and it was wonderful as usual, but somehow this year we were truly blessed by the music and messages spoken. From talking to many people, a special touch was needed and God gave a big hug.
Life isn't easy and times are difficult but someone once said obstacles in the way can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks and I'm glad you are choosing the stepping stones.
Thankfully we don't walk alone on those stones.
Ann

[Doris Weigner]

Debbie:

Enjoy your posts. I have not been able to find your Facebook page.

Doris

[barvin@jessamineco.com]

this post is the very reason I have kept reading from day one. You are such a blessing to all of us and I just have to say I love ya and understand exactly how you feel. God bless you Debbie, Your Ky friend Becky

[Barb]

Debbie
I know I'm a stronger person today because of your posts. I wished you lived next door. I would have you over for a strong cup of coffee :) Life is good because we have a God that loves us.
I can't seem to find you on FB either.

[Janet Cross]

What a wonderful message you have posted...it will encourage all who read it. It was a highlight for me at NQC to see you, get a hug and have a picture made with you. I have always been excited to know you and loved it when you were at Legacy Five's table. I always wanted to see the special lady in Roger's life, and it was a joy to see you walking around the exhibit hall. May you be richly blessed as God leads you into new paths and relationships. He loves you greatly and I know He is blessed as you bless his children through just being you...and letting us know you. Thanks so much for impacting my life!! (Janet from KY)

[Gladys Perry]

Debbie,
Thank you for your post. It means so much to me and many others. I looked for you at the NQC but never ran into you. Mark, at the L5 booth, said you were roaming the exhibit area. I so wanted to convey how much I love reading your posts. Keep on keeping on.
Love & Blessings, Gladys

[Robbie Nelson]

Debbie - I smile as I read your latest post for it's easy to see that in spite of everything, you've chosen to focus on what you should focus on. Not all of us figure that out. While your journey hasn't always been an easy or pleasant one, it's been a process that is going to enable you to encourage others. That has already proven to be the case as you have continued this blog and have shared so openly with us. I so often think of Horatio G Spafford's beautiful lyrics "It Is Well With My Soul" and know he could never have known how words penned out of his deep grief, would be a blessing and source of strength for so many down through the years. If you'll send me your email address (mine is rcnbransongirl@yahoo.com) I'd love to send you some words that I penned after Roger's homegoing. They address this very issue - of looking back and understanding what we could not while we were IN the journey. Love you, dear one.

[Sonia]

I so miss your postings. I hope you and your family are okay.

You have a blessed day and God bless you.

[nonprofit]

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